Dude, did you get the new Scent Stories disc, “Farmer’s Market?” Yeah, it came out today. It fucking rocks!
Oh brother. Really? Please tell me there isn’t a single person in the world who has fallen for this weirdness.
In case you have a job and don’t watch soap operas, I will explain this madness. First, you buy a giant Febreze “disc player” and place it on the shelf next to your figurines and collection of novelty glasses. Then you choose from an exciting selection of discs with names like “Boardwalk” and “World Treasure” which you put in your pretend air freshener computer. Now you simply sit back and soak in the artificial stink of the boardwalk while your new disc takes you on the world’s saddest journey. Maybe, just maybe, if you close your eyes you can actually smell sweaty chest hair and the urine of 100 homeless guys.
When I see shit like this I feel like I might be stuck in the matrix or possibly from another planet.
PLEASE watch this clip of Shania Twain contemplating suicide while she pretends to give a shit about Scent Stories! I have never seen a more defeated person. She also likes that “it’s EASY” unlike those impossibly complicated candles!
(you have to sit through 45 seconds of nothing to get to the good stuff)
I love People’s Court. I wish there was a People’s Court channel so I could watch it all day long. I’m not kidding, I love this show.
Do you really think that crappy “surround sound” system you just bought from the back of a van for $200 is really a $3,600 system? Do you really think it’s even going to work? Shouldn’t you cut your loses and spare yourself the humiliation of admitting to all of this on national television?
I am going to force myself to keep this brief because when I start talking about the subject of gay marriage my fucking blood beings to boil. I can LITERALLY feel my chest tighten right now as I type this. So this will be short or I will die.
If you don’t know, a vote YES on prop 8 means you are voting for a ban on gay marriage. This ridiculous legislation just passed in California with 52.5% in favor of the ban and 47.5% in favor of gay marriage. While the rest of the country took a gigantic step forward with Tuesday’s election these fucking assholes took California back to the stone age. It sickens me.
I will NEVER understand why a person would give two shits about who marries who. It can not possibly affect anyone if two men or women who are in love get married. Simple as that. Oh, but you know right wingers operate solely on fear. Fear of gays, fear of a black president, fear of science, fear of immigrants, and most of all fear of their own sexual desires. I am not saying everyone who is against gay marriage is a closeted homosexual but those right wing, conservative, religious nuts have the most fucked up sexual fantasies on the planet.
The Mormon church spent MILLIONS working towards this ban. Can you imagine that? Think of all the people in need who they could have helped with that money but they decided it was more important that two people in a loving, committed relationship are not given the same basic freedom all Americans deserve. I’m sorry, but why is it OK for Moroms to marry like 10 women at a time?
This is not what America is all about. After Obama’s historic win Tuesday it is kind of easy to relax and think we fixed America. Now that the dust has cleared it’s time for all freedom loving people to do what they can to support your fellow Americans whether or not you agree with their lifestyle. We do not get to pick and choose who is free in this country, we all are.
After last night’s election I’m still having a hard time feeling negative about much BUT this morning I had to suffer through something so horrible that it almost ruined the historic day. Much like dropping my keys, I find the simple act of performing a basic three point turn around in the middle of a street to be torture. When I realize the only parallel parking space available must be reached by a quick turn around in the middle of the block I start to seriously consider just driving away until I reach a new town where I can start a new life under a different name.
Is there anything worse than that awkward pause after putting your car in reverse when the transmission is just not ready to move in a new direction yet? You press the gas pedal but the car sits there and does nothing as if to say, “fuck it, I don’t feel like it right now.” Even if you are in the middle of Death Valley the street will suddenly become filled with cars waiting to pass while you inch back and forth like a turd in the middle of the street. They stare at you and judge you with their judgey eyes. STOP LOOKING AT ME, I’M GOING AS FAST AS I CAN!
I’m very tired and far too happy and optimistic to complain about anything tonight so let me just say congratulations to Barack Obama for his amazing accomplishment. He campaigned with honor and dignity and I can not wait to watch his progress as President. And congrats to the American people for giving a shit about their future again and voting! It’s an exciting time to be American.
It’s tempting to want “the other side” to stay home and not vote on election day but I would much rather see every person who is eligible get off their complacent asses and vote! The voting turnout in our country is shameful and embarrassing.
If you are an eligible voter and do not exercise this right then you are an idiot and you better keep your fat, dumb mouth shut on any subject pertaining to politics. You had your chance to speak up on election day but you decided to say home with a bag of Zesty Taco Doritos sitting on your tummy watching a “Cheaters” marathon. So keep your Dorito hole shut pal.
Like most comforts and freedoms in America, too many people take the privilege of voting for granted. And guess what? Casting a vote feels good. It feels GREAT! So get out there and vote your sweet ass off America, no matter who you are voting for. (but honestly, you should vote for Obama)
I have nothing against people riding bikes (except these cock holes) and I have nothing against trying to burn less gas by riding a bike BUT if you have ever been hijacked by these assholes you can understand my anger.
If you don’t know what “Critical Mass” is consider yourself lucky. The last Friday night of every month hundreds of bikers gather and ride through urban areas causing traffic jams with smirks on their ironically mustached faces. They ride in a large group and take great joy in holding up traffic by stopping in busy intersections and riding around in circles. In general it’s a parade of assholes that pisses everyone off.
It’s the typical, misguided, hippie theory of protesting. Make sure EVERYONE hates you at all times!
“Hey dudes, like we should teach everyone about how awesome bikes are. I was thinking we could like hold up traffic and make everyone hate the sight of a bicycle and like show people how much gas cars waste by making them waste more gas while we block their yuppie asses. It will be totally sweet and create even more pollution. Now, where’s my mustache wax?”
Can you tell I was just trapped by these douchebags on Friday? Idiots.
