It’s amazing but there are still people out there sticking to the story that Sarah Palin is qualified to be Vice President. Are-you-kidding-me? These people actually have the balls to try and blame the fictional “east coast gotcha media” for being unfair to her. FUCK OFF with that nonsense. These people running for the highest office in our country (and in many ways the world) deserve to be grilled, RELENTLESSLY! Not to mention the fact that if Sarah Palin can’t survive a softball interview from Katie Couric, let me say that again KATIE COURIC, then how the hell is she supposed to handle the incredible, unending pressures of the White House?
If I hear one more person say “I like Sarah Palin because she is just like me” I am going to poop in their shoes. Guess who I don’t want in the White House? ME or YOU! I want the President and/or Vice President to be intelligent on an intimidating level. I want them to be so knowledgeable that I would be terrified to eat dinner with them. I want them to understand me and relate to the average American but I don’t want them to be as dumb as the average American.
For me this clip sums up why I can’t stand Sarah Palin. She starts with a lame joke, although I don’t understand how someone’s vast experience is actually funny, then trips all over herself trying to defend a joke that ACTUALLY also makes fun of 72-year-old John McCain. Palin sounds like a teenage boy who has just been caught by his mother jerking off but tries desperately to offer an excuse. “Uh, I was combing my hair and the comb fell into my pants and I was trying to get it out but it was stuck so I really had to tug at it then my pants fell off by accident and I could not find the comb so I was looking for it, that’s all.”
Apparently when it comes to newspapers and magazines Sarah Palin “reads all of ’em.” So many that she is unable to name any.
This is no joke people. Try and imagine this woman as President if McCain was to die in office. Who could possibly trust this woman to run the country when she can’t even handle easy questions? We have already suffered through 8 years of this bullshit, it is time for change. I am right, I know everything!
Please forgive me for keeping this one short and sweet but I can only focus my attention on this woman for so long before my heart rate drops and my eyes close. If not careful, I will soon be sleeping right here in my chair just waiting for the inevitable startling crash of my face slamming against the keyboard.
Jillian Barberie is annoying! Don’t try and tell me about her hot body either because it is permanently attached to that obnoxious personality of hers. I just can’t stand loud women who babble on and on about nothing. It’s true that I also don’t like this trait in men but when it comes from a woman it goes straight to my sack. I also hate girls who can’t shut up about how much they “love sports.” Fine, love sports but stop yelling at me about it. Can you just stop yelling in general, my sack is killing me.
While we’re at it can we put an end to “Good Day LA?” What kind of a person can actually sit through that shit? Dick Cheney should use it as torture. God that guy loves him some torture doesn’t he? I would love to lock Dick Cheney in a room with Jillian Barberie Reynolds for 30 minutes because you know one of those douchebags is not making it out alive.
Here, see if you can make it all the way through this
(men, hold on to your sacks)
Yes, I am one of those annoying people who can’t stop saying “how much better the original British version of ‘The Office’ is.” That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy the American version of The Office, I just don’t like it as much. I really love most of the peripheral characters like Creed, Andy, Kelly, Meredith and it’s hard to dislike Rainn Wilson as Dwight, however I find the main characters to be much less interesting and I can barely stomach Steve Carell’s performance as Michael Scott.
Blah blah blah, who cares about my opinion of every single character on The Office? Well it’s my blog (God, I hate the word blog) so you will have to suffer through. ANYWAY, what do I hate most about the American version? The god damn “Jim look” that is shot my way every 30 seconds! WE GET IT, Jim is the only sane person in the office and he knows everyone is crazy and he’s normal and all his coworkers are idiots. You know what, I can figure that out without such a blatant “aw shucks” reminder.
Should I care about something so insignificant as the world crumbles around us? YES YES YES! I have to care, it must happen! Every time Jim turns his head, looks directly at me and scrunches up his face as if to say, “gee whiz my coworker are dumb” I am forced to turn to the imaginary camera in my living room, scrunch up my face as if to say, “gee whiz I’m fucking sick of that guy’s ‘gee whiz’ face.”
I know there are people who love the “Jim look” but the difference between them and me is that I am right and they are wrong. Bow before my superior opinions!
Maybe, MAYBE, if you are a girl under the age of 23 it’s forgivable for you to drink from one of these colorful dildos but come on guys, how could walking around like a toddler drinking out of a supersoaker possibly attract the opposite sex?
Call me crazy but I like to drink my beer out of a bottle not through a straw from a football. Gentlemen, please take a moment to think about some famous manly men. Now, try to imagine these men – Frank Sinatra, Johnny Cash, John Wayne, Sean Connery, the Marlboro Man – enjoying a fluorescent drink from a plastic Seattle Space Needle. Sinatra famously wouldn’t even sit down while wearing a tuxedo in an effort to keep his pants looking good and all I’m asking from you is to put your little toy down and drink like an adult. And while you’re at it, stop sweating so much. Why are you always sweating?
When I saw Lil’ Wayne’s amazing guitar solo this past Saturday on SNL I just about peed my pants with excitement. This has got to be the saddest/funniest moment in the history of the guitar. You’ve got to love that nobody in his band had the balls to say, “Lil’, what’s the fucking deal with the guitar solo? Stop and never ever ever do that again.”
His guitar playing is so horrific it almost makes the rest of this crap song sound better. Doe anyone remember when music was good? I don’t. If you have not already seen this, please enjoy the world’s worst guitar solo!
Let me first say that I am not gay. I know that is a big surprise to many of you. I am not declaring this because I am afraid of being called gay, I only mention it because I don’t want some jackass saying “you’re only sticking up for the guy because you’re totally gay too.”
Here’s the deal, if you want to make fun of Clay Aiken because he looks like a thumb in a wig then I am right there with you. If you want to say his fans, the “Claymaniacs,” and the 15 cats they each own are possibly the saddest bunch of losers on the planet then yes, let’s take our shirts off and pour beer all over each other! OK, that sounded a little gay. BUT who gives a shit about his sexuality? If it makes you feel better that you cracked the case and “just knew” Clay Aiken was gay ever since the first time you saw him on American Idol then you may be more pathetic than the Claymaniacs. Guess what, everyone knew he was gay.* *not the Claymaniacs
I never really thought twice about this turd until I saw him interviewed on Good Morning America by Diane Sawyer. This woman acted like getting Clay Aiken to admit to being gay was going to prevent a terrorist attack. She was practically waterboarding the kid. Sawyer simply refused to drop it and finally a visibly frustrated Aiken said something like, “why do you care so much, it really is nobody’s business.” I was sitting there thinking to myself “FUCK, now I have to like Clay Aiken.” DAMN IT! He was absolutely right though, what business is it of hers or anyone else? He probably should have also asked her, “Why the hell are you even interviewing me, you know I’m Clay Aiken right?”
I fully support those who decide to come out of the closet but I also don’t think it’s anyone’s business if a person chooses not to. Who cares? There are more important things to care about like what possesses a women to get a fucking Rachael Ray Tattoo?
I’M RACHAEL RAY AND I LIKE TO YELL! OH BOY LOOK AT THIS SANDWICH, IT LOOKS YUMMERS! JUST NEEDS A LITTLE EVOO! YUM-O!”
Please rip my ears off and put expanding insulating foam in my bleeding ear holes! Why is it that the more annoying a person is the more likely they will be hugely popular? Especially when it comes to the Food Network. It’s a parade of loud mouth jerks on that channel.
Rachel Ray is so painfully boring I can barely find the strength to write about how much better I am than her. Are white, suburban women really so bored with life that all it takes is a slightly less-bland version of themselves to make them lose their minds with excitement? I think I’m a little jealous of these people. I walk around all day wanting to fling poop in everyone’s face but these women drop their panties with excitement anytime Rachael Ray says “EVOO.” I want their blind happiness. I want to find “EVOO” charming rather than something that causes me to black out from rage. Save me Rachael Ray!
I will now show you something that should shake you to your very soul. It should make you question everything. You might want to drink 7 beers before looking at this photo.
Full disclosure, I do not feel like writing anything today. I almost put myself on my list for deciding to write a fucking blog 5 days a week but that seemed stupid. Then I thought I could quickly fart out a post about what lying liars John McCain and Sarah Palin are but I’m too sick of their faces. So I flipped through my list, yes it is an ACTUAL list on paper, and tried to find the easiest thing to write about.
And that brings us to my disdain for people who think they can actually be jinxed by some stupid thing I say. I’m not talking about people who lightheartedly say “you’re going to jinx us” after I say “I think we are going to get lucky with parking tonight.” I am referring people who actually get angry and believe jinxing is as real as the air we breathe.
Here’s what I know… 1) There is no force in the universe that will take my words and cause you to get a flat tire or make your plane crash and 2) This post is a boring piece of shit and I apologize. Maybe someone recently said something like “your blog is always so awesome” and it jinxed me.
It’s amazing but there are still people out there sticking to the story that Sarah Palin is qualified to be Vice President. Are-you-kidding-me? These people actually have the balls to try and blame the fictional “east coast gotcha media” for being unfair to her. FUCK OFF with that nonsense. These people running for the highest office in our country (and in many ways the world) deserve to be grilled, RELENTLESSLY! Not to mention the fact that if Sarah Palin can’t survive a softball interview from Katie Couric, let me say that again KATIE COURIC, then how the hell is she supposed to handle the incredible, unending pressures of the White House?
Let me first say that I am not gay. I know that is a big surprise to many of you. I am not declaring this because I am afraid of being called gay, I only mention it because I don’t want some jackass saying “you’re only sticking up for the guy because you’re totally gay too.”
