First of all, I am a big fan of mixed martial arts (MMA) and the UFC so this is not some veiled complaint about fighting. This is merely my plea to all clothing designers to PLEASE stop putting skulls, wings and crap all over every square inch of every shirt!
As a fan of MMA I have been to a few UFC fights and many bars for pay-per-view events and let me tell you, every guy in the joint is covered in wings and skulls. Skulls and scrolls. Scrolls and Wings. If you were the date of one of these metrosexual tough guys and went to the bathroom I would imagine you might have a hard time picking out your orange boyfriend in the crowd upon returning. It’s like a douchebag version of Where’s Waldo. “Where’s Dildo!” I just thought of that. I am awesome!
I might not care if this style of clothing was confined to the cage, but skulls and wings are taking over the world! The other day I was trying to find a few simple, casual button down shirts and EVERY single shirt I picked up looked like it had accidentally been sucked through a printing press. I ended up buying a rug for the kitchen instead. A RUG! How the fuck am I going to wear a rug?
I can’t even explain why Michael Phelps bugs me so much but he really does. Even before he became the “cool” Michael Phelps with the Asian stripper girlfriend he bugged the shit out of me. He’s douchey, am I wrong? Somehow he even managed to make kicking serious ass in the Olympics super boring. And if I have to see one more photo with his pants so low I can see pubes I’m going to go on a killing spree.
Please forgive me for keeping this one short and sweet but I can only focus my attention on this woman for so long before my heart rate drops and my eyes close. If not careful, I will soon be sleeping right here in my chair just waiting for the inevitable startling crash of my face slamming against the keyboard.
Jillian Barberie is annoying! Don’t try and tell me about her hot body either because it is permanently attached to that obnoxious personality of hers. I just can’t stand loud women who babble on and on about nothing. It’s true that I also don’t like this trait in men but when it comes from a woman it goes straight to my sack. I also hate girls who can’t shut up about how much they “love sports.” Fine, love sports but stop yelling at me about it. Can you just stop yelling in general, my sack is killing me.
While we’re at it can we put an end to “Good Day LA?” What kind of a person can actually sit through that shit? Dick Cheney should use it as torture. God that guy loves him some torture doesn’t he? I would love to lock Dick Cheney in a room with Jillian Barberie Reynolds for 30 minutes because you know one of those douchebags is not making it out alive.
Here, see if you can make it all the way through this
(men, hold on to your sacks)
I am going to do my best not to climb too high atop my soapbox and ramble endlessly on this subject, but holy shit does it make me insane when “patriotic” Americans completely ignore the principles that America was founded on.
Did you hear about this guy, Bradford Campeau-Laurion, who was kicked out of Yankee Stadium because he needed to take a leak during the singing of “God Bless America?” I understand that he has a “foriegn” sounding name and telling the cop “he didn’t care about God Bless America” was a bit risky, but fuck off, the whole point of America is that YOU CAN PISS DURING GOD BLESS AMERICA IF YOU FEEL LIKE IT! In fact, go ahead and take a dump and get some nachos if you want, you’re in America!
I would suggest if you claim to love America so much you should, at the very least, have a basic understanding of our most basic concept, freedom.
I am going to do my best not to climb too high atop my soapbox and ramble endlessly on this subject, but holy shit does it make me insane when “patriotic” Americans completely ignore the principles that America was founded on.
