Not much to say about this other than it grosses me out to see someone smoking while riding a bike. Actually, as a non-smoker, smoking in general is pretty repulsive to me but there’s something so wrong about a person smoking while bicycling. Your lungs must be like, “hey asshole, I’m working here.”
Not only did I see someone smoking on a bike today, I also watched some lady smoke on her way into the gym. Yeah, she was literally sucking it down seconds before walking in the gym door. Why not drink a beer and eat some bacon while punishing that sweatsuit of yours?
Wow, I sure talk about bikes a lot. It’s probably because my parents never loved me enough to get me a BMX bike. I was stuck with a YELLOW stingray. Pathetic.
You hear that sound? That’s the sound of me sawing my own ears off with a steak knife.
Apparently the douchebags from Jersey Shore are programming the music in my gym now. I already despise working out but the constant assault of drum machines, auto-tuned vocals and the explanation of one’s monetary worth has taken my hatred of the gym to a new level. Look, I just want to blast my triceps in peace, if I wanted to see a bunch of guys holding their dicks I would go into the locker room. By the way, why do the guys with the worst bodies spend the most time walking around nude in the locker room?
Maybe I’m getting old (and whiter) but I literally can’t comprehend that this is considered music. And congrats on fitting every rap video stereotype, with the exception of jizzing Champagne on some fat asses, into this 4:57 torture video. Can someone buy these rappers a fucking tripod, I’m tired of watching them rap at me from the perspective of an ant.
I donated $50,000 to your shitty event and all I got was this lousy T-shirt!
Think of the business that’s going to pour in from that 1/4 inch logo on the back of the T-shirt for the event you sponsored. Unless your company manufactures exercise equipment or sleeping equipment, don’t waste your time because these t-shirts will be exclusively worn at the gym or as a “sleeping shirt.”
At least with the incredible amount of white space separating each piece of art your logo will REALLY stand out! I think they should combine all the logos into one super logo that fills the entire back of the shirt. Everyone wins!
That’s all I got. There’s BBQ chicken in the next room begging to be eaten.
Kirstie, can you stay off my TV for two seconds, my entertainment center* can’t support your fat ass anymore.
Everyone’s favorite jiggly tub of sausage is back with a new show about… drum roll… being fat! She first rolled (literally) her way into our living rooms with “Fat Actress.” I never saw the show but I’m assuming most episodes centered around Kirstie being fat and talking about being fat. Oh the good times I must have missed! The beast that ate Kirstie Alley (that would have been a way more kick ass title) is back with a new program called “Kirstie Alley’s Big Life,” but this time around the show is about Kirstie being fat and talking about being fat.
I checked IMDB and Kirstie Alley has been in at least 10 shows about being fat…
– Jesus Christ, Kirstie Alley is Fucking Fat!
– Kirstie Alley Eats Her Way Out of Bags Made of Meat
– Kirstie Alley: Only Slightly Less Attractive Than When She Was Thin.
– STAND BACK, ME HUNGRY!
– Cheers
– Hey, Kirstie Alley Just Ate Everything in My House and Drank My Pool!
– Kirstie Alley Tries to Reach Things
– Look Who’s Choking Now
– I’m a Celebrity, Please Help Me Put My Pants On
– Cloggin’ Da Toilet Wit Da ‘K Dog’ Yo!
Let me explain why this ad is on my list before you get on your soapbox and call me homophobic. I’m not at all homophobic, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to be happy that the only available treadmill at the gym today faced this poster. My treadmill was about 18″ away so I was forced to literally stare head-on at Terrell Owens’ chiseled body while I lazily walked along like an old guy at the mall. Hey, I burned off 34 calories during those 5 minutes I’ll have you know!
I don’t need that kind of pressure at the gym. I specifically joined Bally because it’s mostly filled with lazy fat slobs who workout for about 2 weeks before getting bored and retreating back to sucking on the fast food teat. At Bally, I almost look athletic, but not when this shit is staring me down. Is it too much to ask for posters of Dom Deluise or “Rerun” to grace the walls so I can remain delusional about the state of my own body? Why the hell is he even naked in this ad?
Plus, what if coincidentally got a boner while staring at this poster. I have yet to get a boner at the gym, but what if I popped one of those “just woke up from a nap” boners while on the treadmill facing a naked T.O.? What if I accidentally started to masturbate after I accidentally got a boner? I’m not saying it’s likely, but WHAT IF?!?
Fuck it, I’m not going back to the gym until his show is canceled.
I’m still on vacation and no doubt drunk. I’m writing this a week before I actually leave for the beach but I’m guessing as you read this I am currently being oiled up on the beach by 4 sexy island women. Does anyone miss me?
I love cable access weirdness! It does not get much weirder than John Kilduff’s “Let’s Paint, Exercise and…” program. GENIUS! More Let’s Paint TV here.
Oh brother, these people are the worst! Let me clarify… people who exercise are not on my list and people who feel better about themselves after a workout are also not on my list. I’m talking about the people who practically have a boner while exercising because they love it so much. I’m talking about people who enjoy working out WHILE working out.
For the record I exercise regularly. In fact I do this incredibly difficult workout called “super slow” that sounds stupid but I dare any of you to try it. It is fucking TORTURE! Super slow takes your body to its absolute limit and then goes past that limit until you want to cry. I would punch my trainer in her face if I could only lift my arms after one of her torture sessions. Shortly after exercising I feel great and proud of myself but I literally hate every second of the workout. I HATE IT!
I also belong to a normal gym and I see these people who love every second of it. They never leave! They are there every time I go. These people are evil and need to be stopped before they take over the world with their ripped abs and oily nipples.
Side note: do you really have to get naked at your locker and walk to the shower with your junk flapping around? Can’t you wear a towel and get naked just before entering the shower? Sunday I was at the gym and I turned my head to find a hairy dick no more than a foot from my face. Why? This guy walked around naked like he was the last guy on the planet.
Seriously? Huh? Not possible! NOT POSSIBLE! Someone wake me from this nightmare!
If you buy a treadmill for your child DCFS should remove them from your home and you should be immediately sterilized by a brutal smashing of said treadmill to your baby maker.
Just like when I discussed baby helmets, I am only referring to people who put normal, healthy kids on a treadmill. If they need baby-sized treadmills for some sort of physical therapy that’s fine, but if you would rather see your dumb kid taking a walk in your living room rather than playing outside like a normal human then there is something wrong with you and soon there will be something wrong with your child.
If my child asked me for one of these contraptions I would make them live outside in the wild for a week as punishment. Think of all the exercise little Bobby would get foraging for berries and building rudimentary shelters. Perhaps he will have to run from a family of rabid raccoons, I don’t know but that kid is going to lose at least 8 lbs without the aid of a god damn treadmill. Problem solved.
Seriously? Huh? Not possible! NOT POSSIBLE! Someone wake me from this nightmare!
