You just made my list!

OK, here’s the situation, my parents went away on a week’s vacation and they left the keys to the brand new Porsche.

Sorry, those are the lyrics to Parents Just Don’t Understand. OK, here’s the REAL situation… I went out to dinner tonight, had a great time, drank some wine and now I don’t feel like writing about the topic I was planning for today. I would much rather eat beef jerky and watch Lost on the DVR, even though it will cause rage-induced vomiting from the lack of ANYTHING FUCKING HAPPENING! Why do I continue to watch this fucking show???

So, I will leave you with this. This is actual footage of the world ending. A friend (soon to be ex-friend) sent me this today and I felt like ruining your day too. I dare you to watch this all the way through until the end when things really get emotional. Did you ever wonder why Kurt Cobain killed himself?

Am I the only person who hates the Olympics?

I used to like the Olympics when they held the winter and summer Olympics together every four years. It felt special and important, but now that we are treated to the Olympics every two years it just becomes annoying.

I especially hate the winter Olympics. Nothing sends my balls further into my body than god damn motherfucking figure skating! If I want to see men in tight pants manhandle Eastern European women wearing too much eye makeup, I would watch my own fantasies. I love it when the ice dancers get all “wacky” and do something silly and whimsical. OH BOY DO I LOVE ME SOME WHIMSY!

Let’s all hop in our time machines and take a trip back to 1990, when Microsoft released the exciting Windows 3.0 and C+C Music Factory was raping your ears with “Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now).”