You just made my list!

I’m still on vacation and no doubt drunk. I’m writing this a week before I actually leave for the beach but I’m guessing as you read this I am currently being oiled up on the beach by 4 sexy island women. Does anyone miss me?

I love cable access weirdness! It does not get much weirder than John Kilduff’s “Let’s Paint, Exercise and…” program. GENIUS!
More Let’s Paint TV here.

Shut up, I’m still on vacation!

Some brilliantly stupid awesome dumbness from these idiots – jabooodydubs.com

Mighty Putty

Big Shitty Slider Station

Being lazy is easier then ever with the gopher!

Yeah, that’s right, I finally snapped! I couldn’t take it any longer and had to escape to the beach. I’m not saying which beach because I don’t need one of my many fans to stalk me and try to sell photos of me on vacation to TMZ. Rest assured I will be warm and toasty as I do absolutely nothing all day, every day for a week. Knowing how fragile my readers can be and how empty your lives are without me, I have decided to give you a full week of things I actually LIKE rather than shut the site down. Don’t get too excited, I’m not writing shit. I’m just going to post some cool/funny/interesting/dumb videos. Feel free to say terrible things about me while I’m gone because I will not be checking in.

YOU’RE WELCOME!
♥ List Guy

Did you make Noel Gallagher’s love/hate list?

OK, I will explain this one time and one time only… NEVER put ketchup on a hot dog!

The only exception is if you are a child. I have come up with a handy way to know if you are too old to put ketchup on a hot dog. If you are old enough to grow pubes you are too old to put ketchup on a hot dog. It’s that simple. As Maurie Berman, owner of Superdawg, says “Ketchup on a hot dog is an abomination!”

So what is allowed on your precious wiener?
– All-Beef frank, grilled not boiled
– Neon green relish
– Raw white onion
– Yellow mustard
– Cucumber slices
– Tomato wedges
– Shredded lettuce
– Dill pickle spear
– Celery salt
– Hot sport peppers (optional but advised)
– All resting nicely on a steamed poppy seed bun

In Chicago this is known as “dragging it through the garden.” As a hot dog expert I can tell you there are no better hot dogs than in Chicago. New York easily wins the pizza battle but Chicago owns the hot dog.

(said in annoying whiny voice) “But I like ketchup on my hot dogs.” BULLSHIT! Stop embarrassing yourself.

Best Chicago style hot dog: Murphy’s Red Hots – 1211 W. Belmont, Chicago
Best fancy dogs: Hot Doug’s – 3324 N. California, Chicago

I have already ranted about how much I hated The Curious Case of Benjamin Button but I had to share this chunk of awesomeness with you!

I literally forgot to write for the blog today. The last two weeks have been an endless parade of meat, cheese and booze.

Here’s me as a little kid. Look how angry and disappointed with life I am already. I am obviously putting the photographer and his crappy studio on my list while this photo is being snapped. Click on it to zoom in and see all my baby rage!

You know, every night after a long day of “work” I bust my hump to write some barely interesting shitty post for this crap blog of mine. Occasionally I will reread older posts and think “eh, that was sort of funny” but then two separate people in the last few days sent me a link to this blog called Fuck You Penguin and now I’m ready to quit. I suck.

It makes me so mad when people are better than me. This blog is not just a little better than mine, it’s WAY better. I give all of you permission to switch your allegiance to FYP. If I were you I’d rather read it, it’s better than this piece of fart soaked poo.

I don’t even like blogs.