I don’t really feel like putting any effort into this tonight so please forgive me for what is probably going to be my most boring post ever. It does not help that my subject matter, Judd from The Real World San Francisco, is quite possibly the most boring person on the planet.
First of all Judd, WE GET IT, you are better than us, you aren’t homophobic and you aren’t afraid to hug a guy with AIDS. Now that we cleared that up maybe he can stop trying to live his life through Perdo Zamora.
Secondly, Judd shot his douchebag score off the charts by marrying a fellow Real Worlder. I just barfed a little. This is the same girl that sad sack Judd helped go on a romantic (paddle boats?) date with her boyfriend. I seem to remember Judd dressing up in a tuxedo and paddling alone in a separate boat with his giant, tear-filled puppy dog eyes. What a tool.
And how can we forget his comic strip “Nuts and Bolts?” Enough said.
My favorite Judd fact has to be this doozy from his wiki page, “Winick proposed to Ling in March 2000, wearing a gorilla suit.” If that doesn’t make you want to kick him square in his vagina I don’t know what could.
Honestly I have had a little too much to drink and the last thing I feel like doing is writing about these douchebags but I just HAD to start a blog didn’t I? There is a good chance this will be brief and incoherent.
First of all, if any of you think I’m being racist or attacking hip hop culture please understand I hate all of these people whether they be white, black, hip hop, emo, goth or simply fat and lazy. I don’t care who you are, I don’t need to see your soiled underwear as you attempt to walk around the mall in your over-sized baggy pants around your ankles. You look like a fucking IDIOT holding your crotch in an attempt to… in an attempt to what? I really don’t know. I just know that you suck and your pants suck and your crotch sucks and you look like a nerd who just got pantsed by the varsity quarterback.
Why do I have to be the smartest person in the world with the greatest opinions ever? It’s a burden to tell you the truth. Having this much knowledge and taste is difficult when there are so my dip shits surrounding me in their huge pants. Why? Why Am I so great when everyone else is so dumb? Can there be a bright future for this planet when adults are willing to walk around with their pants around their ankles?
I miss the good old days when rappers wore these pants.
I will also forgive this.
Let’s see if I can get through this without finally having a hate-fueled heart attack.
Guess who just spent half a million dollars on a vacation? You don’t know? You should because if you are an American tax payer you picked up the tab.
Less than one week after the federal government forked over $85 billion to bail out AIG, executives of AIG headed for a week-long retreat at a luxury resort and spa, the St. Regis Resort in Monarch Beach, California. Looks nice huh? I wish I could take a week off and relax with a massage and a leisurely dip in the pool but I’m too busy paying for AIG CEO Robert Willumstad’s vacation. I paid for Robert Willumstad’s vacation and all I got was his lousy dick up my ass!
How much is enough? I can not relate to this level of greed. While the rest of the country starves these guys have the nerve to ask for our food and then spit it back in our faces. Pure evil.
Why is John McCain calling me his friend? I’m not your friend. You never once sent me a birthday card or even called. YOU COULD HAVE CALLED, my friend!
More importantly, who is the attractive young lady in this photo? I hope she’s not like 15 years old. If you know her feel free to send me her email address. Thanks my friend!
After spending less than 3 minutes on the American Apparel website I am ready to go on a killing spree. I hate EVERYTHING about American Apparel!
Where do I even fucking start? Let’s start with their clothing. Sure, these guys make a good basic T-shirt but does anyone really need a shiny gold body suit? These assholes aren’t embarrassed to sell fanny packs and apparently ironic hipsters aren’t embarrassed to buy them. The fact that American Apparel can actually make hipster jerks buy fanny packs is pretty much all you need to know about how ridiculous American Apparel and hipsters are. I bet American Apparel could get hipsters to wear adult diapers. If I see diapers on their website I’m fucking suing.
The most obvious thing to hate about American Apparel is their cheap, snuff film style photography. I find it a little distracting when I’m staring at some dirty scumbag’s pubes or a girl who looks like she was just pulled into a van and will never see her family again. In fact, just now when I went to their website this is what I was greeted with (fair warning, nudity). I am not offended by nudity but I am offended by this obvious attempt to look edgy or cool or whatever the hell they think they are. Who wants to buy clothes from a company whose website looks like an underground, teenage prostitution catalog?
Their founder, Dov Charney, is a supreme douchebag who famously couldn’t help but masturbate several times in front of a female ‘Jane Magazine’ writer during an interview. This king of the turds also has countless sexual harassment lawsuits against him, what a shocker!
It is such a simple concept. When you are in a left turn lane and the light is green, pull your stupid car into the intersection so you AND the car behind you can turn left when the light turns red.
I feel comfortable saying that people who refuse to do this are the worst people in the world. They are monsters. They are worse than child molesters. They are essentially terrorists who terrorize our nation by giving awesome drivers like me small rage-induced strokes several times a day.
It’s pointless to give these turds a friendly honk because it will only confuse their already overworked brains. All you can do is make sad, pleading faces and mouth the word “PLEASE” in hopes they will look in their rear view mirror and realize what a horrible person they are.
If you are one of these people please slap yourself and leave a written apology in the comments. Thank you.
I need to get the bad taste of Sarah Palin out of my mouth (I wish) so I am going to send you into the weekend with the latest brilliant episode of Drunk History. Maybe it’s the cheap Mexican beer I am currently drinking but I am in a good mood. SHUT UP JERKS!
I was going to apologize for writing about Sarah Palin two days in a row but fuck that, she is a joke and her inexperience and utter lack of necessary knowledge is down right dangerous. I will do my best to keep this short.
I cannot stand her condescending “aw shucks, you betcha” crap. Once again, I don’t want Joe Six Pack, as she calls herself, in the fucking white house. Joe fucking Six Pack just spent 8 years doing keg stands and playing beer pong in the White House and look where it got us. I want “Joe Knows What The Fuck He or She is Doing” in the white house and Sarah Palin is far from that person.
Did you see the Vice Presidential debate? She STILL refuses to answer a single question. Then she has the moose-sized balls to blame the “mainstream media” for making her look dumb. You know what lady, go back to your tanning bed and stop wasting our time with your nonsense. This is no joke Sarah. This is not one of your frivolous beauty pageants. America has suffered enough under Joe Six Pack Bush.
