Who wants to waste their time watching a bunch of nouveau riche diva assholes walking around like their shit don’t stink when OBVIOUSLY their shit do stink. Oh man, does it ever stink! There seems to be an endless supply of these jerks and and even more endlesser supply of people who want to watch them do nothing all day long. The list is long with crap like The Hills, Kimora Lee Simons, The Kardashians, The Housewives, My Super Sweet 16, etc. What is the fascination with these useless pieces of shit?
If I had a teenage child, especially a girl, I don’t think I could own a TV. If my kid ever displayed any of the obnoxious traits these reality TV “stars” so proudly flaunt they would be on their way to military school the next morning.
I occasionally like bad TV and I understand the soap opera appeal of shows like The Real Housewives but it’s just getting out of hand. There is something so painfully pathetic about a country on the brink of financial ruin that still focuses so much attention on these creepy jerks.
Yes, I had a wart. Shut up. It was on the side of my pinky finger and I probably got it at the gym when I was blasting my triceps and looking awesome.
Here’s the thing about warts, it took me one full year to get rid of it. A FULL YEAR! I tried everything. I started with a Compound W gel that really just turned the wart white but did nothing. Then I was forced to buy this wart freezing stuff from a super attractive young female pharmacist. That was fun. It froze the wart and hurt like hell but did nothing. I would pick at it with a pair of tweezers and there were a few times I thought it was gone only to watch it slowly grow back.
After about 10 months of trying to eat it away with gels or freeze it off with cold air and after wearing a fucking band-aid on my finger every day for almost a year, I decided to try something crazy that I heard about. Duct tape. Apparently it is a miracle cure for warts but it just seemed too crazy to try. I am happy to say as of last week I am wart free and it was the God damn duct tape that did it!
You will find a lot of duct tape wart removal tips online but here is what worked for me. First of all, there is no magic substance in the glue that kills the wart. Instead, keeping your wart covered in duct tape for several days seals it and keeps it moist and gooey. I would keep a square of tape on my wart under a band-aid for 3 or 4 days at a time. When you remove the tape the skin underneath is white and soft, like you are a corpse floating in a river! Soak it in hot water for a few minutes and then eat away at the wart with a sharp pair of tweezers. Make sure you yank as much of it off as you can. Then, simply repeat several more days/weeks until it looks like the wart is gone. It isn’t, trust me, so keep doing it. Keep taping and digging. The wart will look dark while your “normal” skin will look white. Keep those tweezers munching on that dark stuff until it no longer appears. Don’t forget to sterilize your tweezers each time you use them so you don’t spread the virus.
Is there anything duct tape can’t do? Well, it’s actually pretty bad at sealing ductwork ironically.
Dude, did you get the new Scent Stories disc, “Farmer’s Market?” Yeah, it came out today. It fucking rocks!
Oh brother. Really? Please tell me there isn’t a single person in the world who has fallen for this weirdness.
In case you have a job and don’t watch soap operas, I will explain this madness. First, you buy a giant Febreze “disc player” and place it on the shelf next to your figurines and collection of novelty glasses. Then you choose from an exciting selection of discs with names like “Boardwalk” and “World Treasure” which you put in your pretend air freshener computer. Now you simply sit back and soak in the artificial stink of the boardwalk while your new disc takes you on the world’s saddest journey. Maybe, just maybe, if you close your eyes you can actually smell sweaty chest hair and the urine of 100 homeless guys.
When I see shit like this I feel like I might be stuck in the matrix or possibly from another planet.
PLEASE watch this clip of Shania Twain contemplating suicide while she pretends to give a shit about Scent Stories! I have never seen a more defeated person. She also likes that “it’s EASY” unlike those impossibly complicated candles!
(you have to sit through 45 seconds of nothing to get to the good stuff)
I love People’s Court. I wish there was a People’s Court channel so I could watch it all day long. I’m not kidding, I love this show.
Do you really think that crappy “surround sound” system you just bought from the back of a van for $200 is really a $3,600 system? Do you really think it’s even going to work? Shouldn’t you cut your loses and spare yourself the humiliation of admitting to all of this on national television?
I am going to force myself to keep this brief because when I start talking about the subject of gay marriage my fucking blood beings to boil. I can LITERALLY feel my chest tighten right now as I type this. So this will be short or I will die.
If you don’t know, a vote YES on prop 8 means you are voting for a ban on gay marriage. This ridiculous legislation just passed in California with 52.5% in favor of the ban and 47.5% in favor of gay marriage. While the rest of the country took a gigantic step forward with Tuesday’s election these fucking assholes took California back to the stone age. It sickens me.
I will NEVER understand why a person would give two shits about who marries who. It can not possibly affect anyone if two men or women who are in love get married. Simple as that. Oh, but you know right wingers operate solely on fear. Fear of gays, fear of a black president, fear of science, fear of immigrants, and most of all fear of their own sexual desires. I am not saying everyone who is against gay marriage is a closeted homosexual but those right wing, conservative, religious nuts have the most fucked up sexual fantasies on the planet.
The Mormon church spent MILLIONS working towards this ban. Can you imagine that? Think of all the people in need who they could have helped with that money but they decided it was more important that two people in a loving, committed relationship are not given the same basic freedom all Americans deserve. I’m sorry, but why is it OK for Moroms to marry like 10 women at a time?
This is not what America is all about. After Obama’s historic win Tuesday it is kind of easy to relax and think we fixed America. Now that the dust has cleared it’s time for all freedom loving people to do what they can to support your fellow Americans whether or not you agree with their lifestyle. We do not get to pick and choose who is free in this country, we all are.
After last night’s election I’m still having a hard time feeling negative about much BUT this morning I had to suffer through something so horrible that it almost ruined the historic day. Much like dropping my keys, I find the simple act of performing a basic three point turn around in the middle of a street to be torture. When I realize the only parallel parking space available must be reached by a quick turn around in the middle of the block I start to seriously consider just driving away until I reach a new town where I can start a new life under a different name.
Is there anything worse than that awkward pause after putting your car in reverse when the transmission is just not ready to move in a new direction yet? You press the gas pedal but the car sits there and does nothing as if to say, “fuck it, I don’t feel like it right now.” Even if you are in the middle of Death Valley the street will suddenly become filled with cars waiting to pass while you inch back and forth like a turd in the middle of the street. They stare at you and judge you with their judgey eyes. STOP LOOKING AT ME, I’M GOING AS FAST AS I CAN!
I’m very tired and far too happy and optimistic to complain about anything tonight so let me just say congratulations to Barack Obama for his amazing accomplishment. He campaigned with honor and dignity and I can not wait to watch his progress as President. And congrats to the American people for giving a shit about their future again and voting! It’s an exciting time to be American.
