OK listen up, it’s SUPPOSEDLY not SUPPOSABLY! Got it?
I used to work with someone who ALWAYS said “supposably” and it made me insane. I would purposely use the word “supposedly” around her all the time and would clearly pronounce every syllable hoping she would one day beg for forgiveness. I would say things like “I’m going to lunch now. SUPP-OS-ED-LY the ham and cheese is on sale at Arby’s. SUPP-OS-ED-LY Arby’s stands for ‘America’s Roast Beef, Yes Sir’ did you know that? OK, SUPP-OS-ED-LY. Bye, SUPP-OS-ED-LY. SUPP-OS-ED-LY”
My hidden grammar lessons fell on deaf ears because before long she would be jamming that disgusting “supposably” back in my face.
Barf! I can’t fucking stand the sight of Irish Dancing. It literally gives me the creeps.
It’s hard for me to put my finger on exactly why I have such a violent reaction to this supposedly joyful event but here are a few things that come to mind.
1) It looks like a bunch of kids with leg braces trying to dance while simultaneously crapping their pants.
2) It’s often loud and stompy and startles me.
3) They don’t move their arms and it makes me uncomfortable.
4) The WIGS! Those stupid creepy wigs they wear. WHY?
I can’t even explain why Michael Phelps bugs me so much but he really does. Even before he became the “cool” Michael Phelps with the Asian stripper girlfriend he bugged the shit out of me. He’s douchey, am I wrong? Somehow he even managed to make kicking serious ass in the Olympics super boring. And if I have to see one more photo with his pants so low I can see pubes I’m going to go on a killing spree.
Here’s the scene… you are in line at the supermarket with someone making a purchase. You are close enough to the front of the line to read all about Jenifer Aniston’s broken heart when all of a sudden your shopping partner says “oh wait, I will be right back I need to grab something” and they disappear into the ether. What?
I immediately start to panic. What if they don’t make it back in time? I’m already in the belly of the beast, I’m past the magazine perimeter! I’m in the CANDY ZONE! Am I going to have to remove everything from the conveyor belt? Fuck! Why would anyone do this to me?
Sure, they always casually show up just in time and everything works out but what the hell, I almost had a heart attack. I’m not kidding, I HATE being left in line alone!
I rarely get sick anymore thanks to a year I spent working out of a friend’s home. Her kids showered me in sneezes, boogers and dirty hands giving me every virus known to man in the process. I was literally sick for at least 3 months straight. Now, thanks to my new super immune system and relatively clean living, I only get sick about once a year. Now is that time.
I want to die. I hate being sick. All I can think about is the fact that I can’t remember what it feels like NOT to be sick.
Sorry, this is a boring post but I’M SICK!
I also hate that girl, Kari Byron, on Mythbusters. She is about 93% less hot than she thinks she is. I proved it with science.
Oh brother, these people are the worst! Let me clarify… people who exercise are not on my list and people who feel better about themselves after a workout are also not on my list. I’m talking about the people who practically have a boner while exercising because they love it so much. I’m talking about people who enjoy working out WHILE working out.
For the record I exercise regularly. In fact I do this incredibly difficult workout called “super slow” that sounds stupid but I dare any of you to try it. It is fucking TORTURE! Super slow takes your body to its absolute limit and then goes past that limit until you want to cry. I would punch my trainer in her face if I could only lift my arms after one of her torture sessions. Shortly after exercising I feel great and proud of myself but I literally hate every second of the workout. I HATE IT!
I also belong to a normal gym and I see these people who love every second of it. They never leave! They are there every time I go. These people are evil and need to be stopped before they take over the world with their ripped abs and oily nipples.
Side note: do you really have to get naked at your locker and walk to the shower with your junk flapping around? Can’t you wear a towel and get naked just before entering the shower? Sunday I was at the gym and I turned my head to find a hairy dick no more than a foot from my face. Why? This guy walked around naked like he was the last guy on the planet.
I’m back from my little Thanksgiving break and ready to complain!
I hate the International Space Station. I don’t understand why we need it and I don’t want my tax dollars paying for it. Do my tax dollars pay for it? I don’t know, probably. If not, I still hate it and want the sun to melt it.
I love all space exploration and soak up anything that has to do with the space race in the 60’s. I understand why we wanted to go to the moon and I appreciate all of the technological advancements that came from conquering space and landing on the moon. I wish more than anything that I could have witnessed the first moon landing. As much as I love science and space exploration I think it might be time to go ahead and hit the pause button for a while. What is the point of pumping billions of dollars into the International Space Station when we have more than a few crises to deal with here on planet Earth?
Perhaps I am missing something and this rinky dink floating double-wide trailer is going to solve global warming or stop space aliens from probing our butts but is it? I have never heard anything that would indicate that. It seems to me that this space station is like a tree house for various space programs around the world. It’s fun to build and have sleepovers in but other than that it serves no real purpose.
It certainly doesn’t help me fall in love with the project when A) they start letting crap float away and B) when that crap costs $100,000. I will never be convinced the tools in that bag were worth $100,000. Here’s an idea, give ME $100,000 and I will go to Home Depot and put together a super kick ass set of tools for NASA and for my trouble I will keep the change.
