If there’s a war on Christmas why do I start seeing Christmas related shit in stores around September 1st? You can’t avoid Christmas in this country, it’s shoved up your Santa hole every two seconds. The “war on Christmas” is just so silly.
Guess what Bill and Toby, there are millions of non-Christians in America and if they would rather say “happy holidays” then who cares? Go change each other’s poopy diapers you big babies.
So to all my readers, I would like to wish you a safe and happy HOLIDAY. To Bill O’Reilly and his girlfriend Toby Keith, Merry Fucking Christmas you turds!
OK listen up, it’s SUPPOSEDLY not SUPPOSABLY! Got it?
I used to work with someone who ALWAYS said “supposably” and it made me insane. I would purposely use the word “supposedly” around her all the time and would clearly pronounce every syllable hoping she would one day beg for forgiveness. I would say things like “I’m going to lunch now. SUPP-OS-ED-LY the ham and cheese is on sale at Arby’s. SUPP-OS-ED-LY Arby’s stands for ‘America’s Roast Beef, Yes Sir’ did you know that? OK, SUPP-OS-ED-LY. Bye, SUPP-OS-ED-LY. SUPP-OS-ED-LY”
My hidden grammar lessons fell on deaf ears because before long she would be jamming that disgusting “supposably” back in my face.
I don’t really have much to say about this because it just bugs me but for no valid reason. I was trying to come up with some interesting angle or some funny analysis of these people but I simply am not that talented. It might also be that I just ate a shit load of Long John Silvers. WHY did I do that? I’m praying for death right now. I think I might be going blind.
Dude, did you get the new Scent Stories disc, “Farmer’s Market?” Yeah, it came out today. It fucking rocks!
Oh brother. Really? Please tell me there isn’t a single person in the world who has fallen for this weirdness.
In case you have a job and don’t watch soap operas, I will explain this madness. First, you buy a giant Febreze “disc player” and place it on the shelf next to your figurines and collection of novelty glasses. Then you choose from an exciting selection of discs with names like “Boardwalk” and “World Treasure” which you put in your pretend air freshener computer. Now you simply sit back and soak in the artificial stink of the boardwalk while your new disc takes you on the world’s saddest journey. Maybe, just maybe, if you close your eyes you can actually smell sweaty chest hair and the urine of 100 homeless guys.
When I see shit like this I feel like I might be stuck in the matrix or possibly from another planet.
PLEASE watch this clip of Shania Twain contemplating suicide while she pretends to give a shit about Scent Stories! I have never seen a more defeated person. She also likes that “it’s EASY” unlike those impossibly complicated candles!
(you have to sit through 45 seconds of nothing to get to the good stuff)
Seriously, why? I relate to this kind of person so little that I don’t even know what to say. Come on, what is the point? These turds look like they are wearing masks – masks labeled “Douchebag Mask.”
The thing that fascinates me the most is the time and attention it must take to keep this ridiculous look maintained. You know the saying “you can’t polish a turd,” well this is sort of like “you can’t shave a piece of shit without it looking even shittier.” Why are people shaving SHIT?
After searching for photos of these creepy jerks for the last 20 minutes I just want to go cry in the shower until I fall alseep. I feel dirty and ashamed. If you could see my emotional state it would look like this…
