You just made my list!

I don’t really have much to say about this because it just bugs me but for no valid reason. I was trying to come up with some interesting angle or some funny analysis of these people but I simply am not that talented. It might also be that I just ate a shit load of Long John Silvers. WHY did I do that? I’m praying for death right now. I think I might be going blind.

After last night’s election I’m still having a hard time feeling negative about much BUT this morning I had to suffer through something so horrible that it almost ruined the historic day. Much like dropping my keys, I find the simple act of performing a basic three point turn around in the middle of a street to be torture. When I realize the only parallel parking space available must be reached by a quick turn around in the middle of the block I start to seriously consider just driving away until I reach a new town where I can start a new life under a different name.

Is there anything worse than that awkward pause after putting your car in reverse when the transmission is just not ready to move in a new direction yet? You press the gas pedal but the car sits there and does nothing as if to say, “fuck it, I don’t feel like it right now.” Even if you are in the middle of Death Valley the street will suddenly become filled with cars waiting to pass while you inch back and forth like a turd in the middle of the street. They stare at you and judge you with their judgey eyes. STOP LOOKING AT ME, I’M GOING AS FAST AS I CAN!

It is such a simple concept. When you are in a left turn lane and the light is green, pull your stupid car into the intersection so you AND the car behind you can turn left when the light turns red.

I feel comfortable saying that people who refuse to do this are the worst people in the world. They are monsters. They are worse than child molesters. They are essentially terrorists who terrorize our nation by giving awesome drivers like me small rage-induced strokes several times a day.

It’s pointless to give these turds a friendly honk because it will only confuse their already overworked brains. All you can do is make sad, pleading faces and mouth the word “PLEASE” in hopes they will look in their rear view mirror and realize what a horrible person they are.

If you are one of these people please slap yourself and leave a written apology in the comments. Thank you.