I barely know who AKON is and I would like to keep it that way. I think he might be one of those guys who sings with the robot voice but I could not name one song by him. Are they really even songs?
So why would I put this young man on my list? You might think it’s because his music sucks but there is so much bad music out there I would never have time to complain about all of it. You might think it’s because he got kicked off Gwen Stefani’s tour and dropped by Verizon after dry humping a 15 year old on stage but no. AKON is on my list because of a quick interview with him that I saw today on the morning “news.” He was explaining how he writes/records/mixes songs with ringtones in mind. Seriously, this turd was explaining how when he is mixing tracks in the studio he will listen back on a cell phone to hear how they will sound as a ringtone. As I type this I am so full of rage I might have to punch myself in the face! A CELL PHONE! FUCK OFF!
Could you imagine telling The Clash, The Who, The Beatles, Johnny Cash, The Pixies, The Ramones, The Replacements (insert awesome band here) that they had to tailor their songs to sound good on a cell phone speaker the size of a grain of rice? I’m guessing even Weird Al would tell you to go fuck yourself.
My complaint about the FreeCreditReport.com “Pirate” commercial is really a back-handed compliment I guess. That fucking song gets stuck in my head and hangs out in there well past its welcome. The party has cleared, the music has been turned off, I’m doing dishes and that stupid jingle is still hanging out on my brain couch. Leave already you dick!
I have every word of this commercial memorized and often find myself humming it. It used to only happen just after seeing the ad but now it will pop into my head at all hours of the day or night. Weather permitting, I ride a scooter and due to the lack of radio and my borderline OCD brain I will often have one song loop over and over in my mind for an entire 2 hour ride. Sadly I will catch myself singing “They say a man should always dress for the job he wants, so why am I dressed up like a pirate in this restaurant…” over and over until I force another song in my head.
In case you care, which you don’t, the guy in the commercial is some Canadian singer/songwriter/actor named Eric Violette. I’m guessing poor Eric gets recognized and then promptly punched in the balls at least 4 times daily. That’s an average of 2 punches per ball, per day.
Geez God, what the hell? Did you have to kill Eartha Kitt on Christmas? Is it because she sang about your arch-rival Santa Claus in the amazing “Santa Baby”? Man, take a day off from all the killing and enjoy your son’s birthday.
Eartha Kitt was my favorite Catwoman, hands down and “Santa Baby” is in my top 10 Christmas songs of all time. Eartha Kitt was awesome. She passed away from colon cancer in her Connecticut home at age 81.
Holy shit does Will Smith and the rest of his boring family suck! The Smith/Pinkett Smith dynasty is so average and boring I’m having a hard time coming up with words that sufficiently describe their mega suckitude.
Oh my god, I literally just remembered his shit music! When I started writing this rant I totally forgot about his musical “talent”. Fuck this guy and his blandy blandness!
Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith are like red apples, everyone likes them but when you really think about it they suck. Sure you can sort of enjoy a red apple (Fresh Prince of Bel-Air) but half way through that apple you realize you have had enough and move on to more kickass fruits like grapes or oranges and never look back.
I hate this song, I hate the video, I hate Pearl Jam and Eddie Vedder bugs the shit out of me.
Pearl Jam is one of those bands that I know everyone loves but I simply do not get. If I try to listen to Pearl Jam I might as well be listening to static or white noise. I hear nothing. I understand why people like certain bands that I despise but Pearl Jam confuses me. For example, I can’t stand Fall Out Boy but I can at least understand why 10 year olds and the mildly retarded find it appealing. Pearl Jam, on the other hand, is so bland that I hear nothing.
I hear nothing unless it’s “Jeremy” then I hear my own brain begin to boil. I hear my ears trying to rip themselves from my head. I HATE this song.
And can someone tell the bass player we know he’s bald so he can stop wearing those dumb hats?
WOW, did I ever just witness something! I didn’t even realize the Smashing Pumpkins were still a band when I was offered a free ticket (a very good ticket) tonight. I figured it would at least be decent. It’s their 20th anniversary and I live in Chicago, their friggin’ hometown.
Instead, myself and a thousand other EXTREMELY patient fans were treated to the most bloated, self-indulgent, egomaniacal, boring, never-ending guitar solo, jamming, noodle fest. This was big baby Billy Corgan’s official “fuck you” to the people who supported him for 20 years. He was downright rude and unbelievably arrogant throughout the entire concert. We had to suffer through 30-minute songs and 15-minute guitar solos. The audience was given thumbs down by Billy when he asked us to sing “Today” and apparently it wasn’t to his liking. Billy proclaimed himself to be the “king of rock and roll” and “the god of metal” and then challenged us to “die for rock and roll.” Fuck off. We had to watch him play the fucking kettle drums for 15 minutes before they finally ended the show with a chorus of Kazoos. Ha ha, fuck you audience! They refused to play any recognizable songs. When the audience became restless, Billy said “Last time I checked we were an alternative band.” Check again Billy, you are playing an expensive show in one of the swankiest theaters in the country and the audience is made up of 40 year olds who arrived from the suburbs in minivans.
I’m not a super fan so I actually thought it was entertaining to watch Billy act like a big baby all night but I genuinly felt bad for the people who paid a lot of money to watch a rich kid have a temper tantrum. It was the most ridiculous concert I have ever seen.
Yech! Bret Michaels’ face literally makes me feel sick. The kind of sick one might feel when accidentally seeing a homeless woman’s vagina. Yeah, that’s right, HOMELESS VAGINA!
Is it possible that “Rock of Love,” where Bret pretends to search for a soulmate from a big diseased pile of strippers and whores, is actually a way for the government to compile a list of people to sterilize in an effort to save all of humanity? I can’t think of a single other reason for it to exist or why a person might watch it. OK, I can think of ONE other reason… if your TV only gets two channels and the only other show on is Hole in the Wall.
I thought we were done with this guy. WHY WHY WHY is Poison still touring? I think I would rather see that aforementioned homeless vagina on tour. IN FACT, I bet the homeless vagina would sell more tickets! Maybe Poison can open for the homeless vagina. “Tonight, One Night Only! Homeless Vagina (and poison)”
What is happening to me. My poor mother tried so hard.
Here, this will make you feel better about the last 3 minutes of your life. It’s the trailer to Bret Michaels’ independent movie “A Letter From Death Row” which he wrote, directed and starred in. What the fucking fuck is Martin Sheen doing in this? I understand why Charlie Sheen is in it, but Martin?
