You just made my list!

Have you ever witnessed something so insanely stupid that you were convinced the government was doing an experiment on you? All you can do is cringe and look for the hidden cameras. This happens to me about once a day.

While at the muffler shop I overheard a discussion between two mechanics that made me want to grab an acetylene torch and weld my ears closed. “Hotel California” by the Eagles was playing over the shitty shop radio and mechanic #1 was about to pee his pants with excitement. You see, mechanic #1 had some sort of inside secret about this song that he could not wait to share with mechanic #2. Luckily for me, I was able to eavesdrop while pretending to read a copy of People magazine from 2005 – did you know Paris and Nicole’s friendship is on the rocks?

Mechanic #1 “Dude, do you know what this song is really about?”
Mechanic #2 “Hotels?”
Mechanic #1 “No. Dude, it’s about heart surgery.”
Mechanic #2 “Huh? I’m pretty sure it’s about a hotel in California, the cover of the album has a hotel…”
Mechanic #1 “SILENCE! It is about surgeons operating on a dude with heart cancer. Just listen.”

Mechanic #1 proceeded to present his flawless theory like this…
“Mirrors on the ceiling” = operating room
“The pink champagne on ice” = blood
“And she said ’we are all just prisoners here, of our own device” = ?
“And in the master’s chambers” = still the operating room
“They gathered for the feast” = gathering for surgery
“They stab it with their steely knives” = heart cancer surgery
“But they just can’t kill the beast” = dude, you can’t kill cancer

Surprisingly, or maybe not, mechanic #2 seemed to agree with this this guy and was kind of having an “ah ha” moment like how could he have been so stupid to miss the real meaning of the song all the years. I guess, like mechanic #1, he had forgotten about the other 95% of the lyrics.

Learn more than you ever wanted to know about “Hotel California” here, including a brief mention of the cancer theory.

UPDATE: Here’s video of the “shoe” being thrown on stage that turned Josh Homme into a ass-raping maniac. It’s not even a fucking SHOE! At best it’s a sock! AND IT DIDN’T EVEN TOUCH HIM! So all you defenders of this asshole who keep saying “How would you like it if someone hit you with a shoe” can fuck off. What a douchebag baby.

Watch at the 1:30 mark…

Now, on the the original rant…

This one kind of hurts because I used to like Queens of the Stone Age but after watching frontman and Craig Kilborn look-a-like Josh Homme go off on a 14 year old kid in the clip below, I saw what a dick face the guy is. Apparently this overzealous kid threw something on stage, I’m guessing it was something harmless, and within seconds is taken for a ride through Josh Homme’s darkest fantasies of fighting and butt sex. Tough guy Josh goes on and on from his 20-foot perch about how he’s going to kick this 14 year old’s ass after invading it with his wiener. Takes a pretty tough guy to start a fight with a kid who barely has pubes, especially when you are separated by 20 feet of security and 10,000 fans who have your back.

Oh, but the fun doesn’t end there. There are endless clips of this turd berating various audience members and in every clip he can’t stop himself from discussing their soon to be fucked butts or their dicks or how they are “faggots.” How does a guy fixated on being inside his enemies’ buttholes get the balls to call everyone around him gay? And why even go there? Why use homosexuality as an insult? What an asshole.

Guard your butt!

More fun with Josh…

Josh Homme is trying to quit cock smoking.

It’s hard to quit when everyone is smoking cock around you!

Those guys are going to blow each other (jealous Josh).

Let’s take a trip back to 3rd grade.

Here’s how it’s done Josh…