You just made my list!

I just wanted to remind everyone that I’m still fucking awesome! I’m going to try to write something this week about the future of this site. Stop crying about it!

Hey jerks, remember how I said I had a book offer and I totally blew it off? Well, that was true but also a lie. The truth is this, I have actually been working on something HUGE and I can finally talk about it. Sort of.

Let’s just say your hero and savior, Listy, will soon be on your stupid flat screen TV. Well not me personally, but You Just Made My List, as a concept, will.

I’m going to be so fucking famous! I can’t wait to go to pool parties at Guy Fieri’s mansion!

More later!

Awesome!

So anyway, I’m cutting this piece of paper on Friday with an X-acto knife when all of a sudden I see the side of my finger sitting there on the table? I looked at it and thought “Why aren’t you on my hand anymore?” The arrogant piece of finger just stared back at me like “What are you gonna do about it?”

Touché finger piece, you win this one.

I’m sure all you world wide web “surfers” have been asking yourself where the gosh heck I have been. First of all, watch your language. Secondly, there is no second part, I’ve just been blowing it off.

Since June 30th, 2008 I have written pretty much 5 days a week for a total of 633 posts. There have been 527,068 visitors to youjustmademylist and in the 10,936 comments left on this site so far, I have been accused of living in my mom’s basement approximately 800 times. I have spoken with, and completely blown off (for some dumb reason), a reputable literary agent who wanted to see some treatments for a book and I will most likely be murdered by a Juggalo within the next 3-4 months (if they weren’t too fucking lazy to get their fat piece of shit asses off the couch).

So what does all that mean? It probably means I’m awesome but I’m not sure.

Am I quitting this blog? I don’t know. I don’t think so but to be honest, it’s hard to find the time lately. I’m so fucking talented at my job that I’ve been working 12-14 hour days. Plus, I’m moving to Hawaii at the end of the summer (my mom is moving her basement there, I have no choice) and it is not a simple move. It basically involves me completely dismantling my life and selling almost everything I own.

Blah blah blah, this is starting to sound like a “real” blog where people share their feelings. Sorry.

SO… I think I will be back very soon but I’m not entirely sure anyone cares. I was sure the world would end when I stopped writing but, much to my disappointment, Guy Fieri and Creed still have a planet to walk around on.

Sincerely,
Listy (The most awesome person in the world)

Why is this “job” of mine always getting in the way? You’d think that after working 12-14 hour days I would be in the mood to spend an hour writing about Guy Fieri, but surprisingly I choose to sleep face-down in my clothes until the next morning when I get up and Groundhog Day it all over again. Mo money, mo problems.

I sure do fail you a lot lately. Sorry, I am pretty much working every day from 8am until 10 or 11pm. The life of a male prostitute for rich MILFs is not as easy as it sounded in the brochure. So shut up and stop hating me. That’s my job.

Now, if you will excuse me, I am going to go back to daydreaming about Hawaii.

Because I’m awesome, I’ve been working 14 hour days… everyone wants a piece of my talent. Of course this means you, my flock, suffer. For this, I am sort of sorry.

Blah blah blah, Paula Deen, bacon, butter, mayonnaise, fat, loud, giant head, scary eyes, more butter… You get the point.

If you have ever doubted this woman’s talent, just check out this advanced recipe for English Peas only a pro could come up with.

Fuck off, I’m going to bed.

I was on such a roll and yet here we are, with no post to get you through your miserable day. I really screwed the pooch.

Let’s see, what’s my excuse for not writing last night? Oh yeah, I was too tired from “bringing it” P90X style.

You want a quickie? Here you go. I hate people who always say “no, I’m just kidding” after every jokey comment they say. Really? I used to work with a girl who said this after EVERY joke, no matter how small. Were you kidding when you said you were “hungry enough to eat a horse?” Thanks for clearing that up because I was horrified that you would ever consider eating such a majestic animal. Not to mention, I was seriously doubting your ability to actually consume a 950 pound creature. Plus, where the hell are you even getting this lunch horse? Thank god it was all a joke Kelly.

Leave me alone.