You just made my list!

I am fairly certain Dr. Ted Leon is getting a blowjob just off camera in this commercial because nobody should ever look that happy, ever. In fact, you really shouldn’t even be making that face while getting a blowjob! I prefer the angry look, the one where you look like you are pissed at the person servicing you. I sometimes even shake my head in disgust. It’s the same look I use while air-drumming to Rush songs. I used this facial expression once when I went to a store on a Sunday and it was closed. People still close up shop on Sundays (blowjob face)?

Give me the cranky antics and mispronunciations of Wilford Brimley any day over this grinning rube. Awwwwww, does it hurt your little finger to test your glucose levels? WHAM! Punch in the mouth from Wilford, you sissy! Mr. Brimley will literally stare at you until your “dia-beat-is” squeezes out your butt and runs away in tears. Wilford Brimley will reach down your throat with his big, elephant hoof hands, that smell like mustache and Scotch, and yank the diabetes right out through your mouth, you fucking Mary.

Obviously I have a great understanding of diabetes.

Wilford Brimley scares the shit out of me. Actual shit comes out of me when I see him.

Why is he SO angry all the time? Although I am not elderly and do not have “diabeetus,” I still called Liberty Medical and ordered 5 years’ worth of supplies just because Wilford looked like he was going to jump out of the TV and wipe that smile off my face, punk. I probably got diabetes from all the fucking Quaker oatmeal the son-of-a-bitch instructed me to eat in the 80s. OK, I don’t think excessive amounts of oatmeal gives you diabetes, but Jesus Christ, Wilford Brimley has some sort of creepy control over me. I feel like my dad is yelling at me when I see one of his commercials.

I will admit that Wilford was a total bad-ass in John Carpenter’s remake of “The Thing.” Of course he was playing a scary old man, so it wasn’t much of a leap for him.

Wilford Brimley doing what he does best… yelling at you to buy things.

Buy some crap, and GET OFF MY LAWN!

“This little shit eats peaches & cream every blessed, god damned morning.”