You just made my list!

The owners of this dog might like to believe their dog is saying “I love you” but, in reality, this poor dog is saying “Please stop saying those words to me, I don’t know what they mean, I just want to watch a little TV on this romantic four post bed before I go take a shit in the living room. I hate yoooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuu!”

You know how I know dogs can’t say I love you? Because you never see videos of Mexican dogs saying “Te Amo” or Chinese dogs saying “我愛你.” Apparently dogs can only express love in English. More evidence that AMERICA RULES! Yeah, that’s right, America is the only country that speaks English!

Why don’t these genius talking dogs ever proclaim anything other than their unconditional love for their jackass owners? You never see a cute Youtube clip of some dog saying “Let’s go for a walk” or “Toss me that tennis ball” or “I honestly believe Lee Harvey Oswald did, in fact, act aloooooone!”

Blah blah blah, I blew off writing tonight. So in place of my passionate rant about something important, here’s a fellow ranter acting like a psycho.

For the record, I know this is old news but I just saw it for the first time tonight.

No, not me. My wiener is as wonderful and sperm-filled as it always has been. Sorry, I’ve had a busy week and have neglected my writing duties, or writing “dooties” depending on your opinion of me. Watch this and get over it.

P.S. YouTube can suck my un-vasectomied dick for not allowing embedding on this clip!

I’m so excited I can barely find the ability to type. I’ve written about Jack Rebney before so I will skip an introduction and just say watch this…

www.winnebagoman.com

Yeah yeah, I know… “You’re really phoning it in Listy.” Fuck off, I have a job and sometimes it requires me to blow off being awesome on this website that you worship so much. On the other hand, you are in for a real treat. My friend (also editor of this site) sent me one of these clips today and I am embarrassed by how much I enjoyed it.

So sit it back, snap into a Slim Jim and enjoy the only good thing about those fucking annoying novelty singing fish pieces of shit.

Can someone please tell me who the fuck the “Beauty Gurus” are and why I want to kick them all in the teeth?

Sorry, no “real” post today. I met the love of my life and we have spent so much time in the bedroom I simply can’t find the time to write for the site. Her name is Icy Spicy Leoncie and she is probably the most talented singer/songwriter/performer/lover on the planet! THE WHOLE PLANET! Jealous? Yes, you are.

Leoncie and I just love to have fun.

My favorite song about getting killed while jogging in the park.

I LOVE YOU LEONCIE!

Fuck you Jill, fuck you Kevin and fuck you anyone who has emailed this video with a little note that says “OMG this is awesome! Hilarious, a MUST SEE!”

There are a lot of things about this video that offend me, but the thing that REALLY makes me insane is the fact that this wacky dancing wedding shit is OLD NEWS! Jill and Kevin are way at the end of a long list of douchebags who worked up some lame wedding dance in an attempt to find internet fame. Why is everyone acting like Kevin and his whore bride Jill have invented something new? Yeah, Jill is a whore by the way.

At least the shitheads who did the Thriller dance at their wedding a few years ago put some effort into it. Jill, Kevin and their fat-fuck friends thought it was good enough to put on sunglasses and randomly convulse their way down the aisle. Oh, the fucking sunglasses make me so fucking mad. The kind of people who think a pair of sunglasses paired with a suit make you look “cool” are the same tools who slap on a Hawaiian shirt (tucked into khaki shorts of course) and a plastic lei before heading to the Jimmy Buffet concert. You see, the Hawaiian shirt conveys a general fondness for the beach party lifestyle while the plastic lei says “Hey bro, I own over 15 CDs and close to 30 MP3s so obviously I know how to party!”

The other thing that really perplexes me about Jill (the whore) and Kevin is that they chose to use a Chris Brown song in their wedding ceremony. I think Chris Brown best summed up what it means to be in love when he said, “Bitch, I love beatin’ yo ass! Now git da fuck outta my car, bitch! Yeah, I know it’s still moving you stupid fucking ho, now jump out dat window before I punch some mo love into yo teeth!”

Can everyone PLEASE stop trying to make their weddings into an internet sensation? Here’s a wacky idea, concentrate on what it means to be getting married and stop trying to be the next big thing on youtube. Is there anyone left on the planet who does not want to be famous or a public spectacle?

I hope Jill and Kevin (the whore’s husband) are eaten by a shark on their honeymoon. I hope their plane crashes into the mouth of a shark. I hope their plane crashes into the mouth of a shark and on the way down Jill cheats on Kevin with the guy sitting next to them. I hope that she gets pregnant during this quick fling and gets an abortion right there on the plane in front of Kevin and her new lover. I hope the guy who impregnates Jill on Kevin’s lap has swine flu. I hope the shark that eats Jill, Kevin, Jill’s aborted fetus, Jill’s lover, and the plane has AIDS.

Too far?